Valentine’s Day isn’t just about saying “I love you” to your other half. It’s not just about flowers, chocolates, wine & GALentine time.
It’s about self love too. And, I’m not just saying this for all the single ladies out there [hand raised].
The theme of my yoga class tonight was loving yourself. Funny timing because I was planning to write this blog tonight. My teacher doesn’t know it, but she gave me a little more material 😉
She started the class out by saying:
If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love others.
You’ve heard it time & time again, to the point it almost sounds cliche. But, as you get older, whether you lack in the self love department or not, you start to learn there’s real truth to this statement. The relationship with yourself is by far the most important relationship you will ever have that ultimately determines how you approach every part of your world — career, finances, food & dieting, conflict, and most importantly, relationships. If you want successful, meaningful, spiritual & deep-connected relationships with others, it starts with you. It starts with knowing your worth & what you deserve.
So, what is SELF LOVE?
Self love is unconditional love, compassion and respect for yourself — your dark & your light. Love that is so full & deep, so beautiful & all-encompassing that it nourishes every part of your being.
Guess what happens when you feel nourished & so filled up with love? You expect and invite the same in return. You end up choosing situations, relationships, opportunities & actions toward yourself & others that reflect the love you feel for yourself.
Because you are so connected to yourself, any goal, giving, pursuit, or relationship is complimentary or an addition to your life..not something that’s being sought after to fill a void, seek approval, or make you feel worthy.
What self love is NOT:
[From BeatingBingeEating.com’s self love blueprint]
1) Trying to please others and giving so much of yourself away that your tank is empty and you have nothing left to give yourself.
2) A strong focus on self-confidence and achievement, so much so that your hustle for achievement has you fail to tend to yourself with compassion and self-care. This one usually results in burning out and feeling like a failure.
3) Self-awareness and observation but no or very little self-trust or belief in yourself to make your dreams a reality or to overcome what you’re going through. This usually results in withholding self-expression, not putting your gifts to use, not taking risks that will benefit you, feeling stuck, wanting more, and feeling empty or like something is always missing.
4) Self-pleasure and fun without honor, self-respect and knowing your worth. Ever heard of looking for love in all the wrong places? This one is that. Hell yes to fun and pleasure, but honoring yourself through the process is key! If not, you’re left with unhealthy relationships and emotional gaps that you’re trying to fill with anything but what will actually fill you up (hint hint: self love)
5) Self-esteem and strength, but not standing for yourself and what your worth in relationship or life situations. This one typically looks like success on the outside but self-destructive on the inside, or having it all together in career but settling for crumbs in relationships.
6) Waiting to love yourself until you are _____. This looks like, I will love myself & be happier when I’m the perfect weight, or when I have the perfect job, or when I achieve this. Perfection never comes. This one results in constant waiting to live, constant disappointment, and constant never feeling good enough.
Do any of the above sound familiar? #3 & #6 really hit home for me.
How can you expect to show up in the world, achieve what you truly want in life, all the while giving love to others, if you’re not taking care of yourself first?
My yoga teacher also said tonight:
If you love yourself, you’re unstoppable.
It’s true. If you love yourself, you will reap everything you ever want in life and never settle for anything less than the very best for yourself and those you love.
I left a relationship recently because I couldn’t give what he deserved. I’m still searching for that love & happiness within and I knew I couldn’t be who he needed (I’m hardly who I need right now). It broke my heart and maybe his, too (FML) . And, I vow to never let it happen again.
So here’s to finding our self love. Our life & our future relationships depend on it. And deserve it.
Happy Valentine’s Day to OURSELVES. Kiss yourself tomorrow. Give yourself roses. Treat yourself to chocolate & wine. It’s YOU first that matters.
LOVE YOU ALL.