Bingeing is my “smoke detector”

I’ll start this blog post off with my favorite morning devotional. I read it from ‘Jesus Calling’ on September 8. It just so happens that September 8 was a rainy Monday morning, a morning I woke up groggy, bloated and depressed. I had ended the weekend with a full-out binge – a routine I’ve come to know all too well each Sunday night. I blame it on the lack of sleep or nutrition I’ve gotten throughout the weekend, but the reality is, our lack of care for ourselves [which is exactly what this is], is a warning sign of something or rather some feeling that’s much, much larger than just a full plate of General Tso’s chicken or whole crispy thin crust supreme pizza.

When I say, HE, always knows exactly what I need to hear when, I mean it. And this is full proof. If you are needing these words right now, I hope they comfort you in some capacity.

Accept each day exactly as it comes to you. By that I mean not only the circumstances of your day but also the condition of your body. Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness.
On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance: The demands on you seem far greater than your strength. Days like that present a choice between two alternatives – giving up or relying on Me. Even if you wrongly choose the first alternative, I will not reject you. You can turn to Me at any point, and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement. I will infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day. Trust Me by relying on My empowering Presence.

Okay, I’ll be real. I actually read this any day I need it. There’s something about this passage that’s uplifting and comforting, right?

At the moment, I’ve just started this book called “The Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukav. In the introduction he writes these words:

The conflicts of a human’s life are directly proportional to the distance at which an energy of personality [the physical body] exists separately from the soul. When a personality is in full balance, you cannot see where it ends and where the soul begins. That is a whole human being.


What Gary means by this is that [in layman’s terms…you’re welcome]…if you have conflict in your life, if you’ve gained weight, if you’re disconnected from your spouse, if you’ve lost confidence in yourself, if you feel anxiety about anything in your life, it means you are off balance and that you have disconnected yourself from the love, authenticity and positive energy that exudes from your soul. If you are not in sync with your true self, conflict outside the body will ensue. It’s almost the universe’s way of telling you, of convincing you that something is off balance. It’s so easy to convince yourself otherwise – we like to believe all is well with ourselves, our loved ones, our careers and the world around us. I’ve come to believe that we can lie to ourselves all we want. It’s the external results – the tangible manifestations – that will prove it to you. You just have to see, listen and accept these clues for what they are.

My external proof: the control food has once again had on my life and my body. It’s like a chokehold that you can’t escape. Seriously. So when I read this excerpt from Oprah’s book “This I Know for Sure,” I had a LEGIT “AHA!” moment. [PS: this is my ALL TIME FAVORITE BOOK now – I HIGHLY recommend it].

In the book, her friend says:

Here’s how I see your weight – it is your smoke detector.

Oprah responds:

I’ve never thought of it that way before, but it was true. My weight was an indicator warning, a flashing light blaring my disconnection from the center of myself.

Guess what folks: weight is NOT a FOOD issue. It is a SPIRITUAL issue. It is an issue with yourself. It is a signal that, more often than not, symbolizes the hate, disregard, disgust and frustration you feel towards yourself. It seems logical that someone who doesn’t like what they see in the mirror would simply adjust their diet and exercise program, right? But in reality, a person who doesn’t love their own reflection tends to instead feed their negative emotions by drinking, shopping, eating/bingeing, or depriving themselves to feel anything but what they are currently feeling. The truth is: it’s not the weight they are trying to mask, it’s the unresolved anxieties in which they have not had the courage to face and work through. Does this make sense?


Marrianne Williamson says:

Your weight is really an invitation to your best life.

And she is SO right. It is there to WARN you that something is not OKAY. And that this something, once worked through, is a tunnel to your very best self and renewed life.

To give you my personal story, I’ve gained 40 pounds over the last few years. A lot has happened in that timeframe and through it all, I’ve carried my bag of rocks [my baggage] consisting of a lifetime of eating disorders, body hatred and low self worth [such a life buzz kill]. Yes, even an ex pro cheerleader, big PR gal and popular writer has her demons. And these demons finally caught up to me. Life caught up to me. My emotions took over and resulted in 4+ dress sizes [womp womp].

So, I say this from personal experience. Until you can be real with yourself and find the actual ‘root’ of the problem [not the food, the emotion], it’s only then can that you start to make amends with yourself. Dig deep and find what’s really eating at your soul. Try to heal the pieces of you that are driving you to hurt yourself – mentally, physically and spiritually. As your soul starts to heal, as you start to reconnect with your inner being, your body and your mind will start to settle into its new happy place. I promise.

So I’ll leave you with this – another excerpt from Oprah’s book [she is my hero]:

Whatever your challenge – overeating, overindulging in any substance or activity, the loss of a relationship, money, position – let it be an open door to your holiest revelations about yourself, an invitation to your best life.

The most important part of this journey though: OWNING where you are RIGHT NOW. Own that YOU got yourself here and that you CAN get yourself out. ❤

Oh, and also: you are WORTH better. You are WORTH everything you’ve ever dreamed – that body, that boy, that job, you name it. Don’t let anyone – including yourself – tell you otherwise.


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